May 11, 2009
caught my eye
At the park today, a few things caught my eye, this tree was practically glowing, so stunning
Does this make me look fat? Yes
Now I assume we've all worked retail, when you have that customer coming in at 8:55 and you close at 9, Its been slow for 2 hours, you have the registers counted and almost closed, its the weekend and you have a party to get to, you know the scenario right? If you don't, you are this customer and you can stop reading my blog and go to hell, otherwise continue.
I was in my friends store the other day waiting for him to get off work so we could attend said Party, let me just preface this by saying its a great store and he loves it for the most part, but that night this lady came in wanting clothes for a cruise she was going on, she gave him a sob story about how she works all week and didn't have time to come in until now. Oh I'm so sorry for, but you are going on a cruise and a lot of people work all week sweetheart and manage to shop some other time.
She grabbed a ton of clothes and headed for the dressing rooms even after we both made bitchy faces and I started to tap my foot and adjust my blonde faux hawk in the mirror, most sales people would see a potential good sale, buck it up and smooze her, but that night we weren't having it. So Alex, not his real name, looked at everything at said "Wow size 12's huh?! Might be a bit snug I'll see if we even carry a bigger size" I about died I could believe it! We all want to say it but he really did, she really wasn't that big, but I got his clue, and I knew it was ON! She came out in the first outfit, here is how the conversation went
Alex: "It just makes you look pregnant the way it drapes"
Me: " Huh, it really does, your not are you?"
Stupid Lady: What, No, I'm 50 I couldn't possibly be..."
Me: Interrupting "... your only in your fifties, Huh? well try another one"
Next outfit
Alex: "I just cant believe how ill fitting that is, and you look So washed out, and we have good lighting in here imagine how you would look in daylight and on a cruise ship no less, no place to hide there"
I was laughing so hard in my head I could barely muster up a line, but I regained my composure,
Me: "Ya, I was on a cruise a few months ago and everything shows, not on me mind you I looked great, but on others, You really shouldn't even be here, you should be working out"
Alex to Me: Oh and she should get a tan at the place you love so much with the spray on..."
Me: "What! I don't use a spray on tan this is natural tone, I'm part European!"
Lady: "Oh Its a european cruise Im going on..."
Me; "Uh Huh, I cant believe you think that, I only tan a little to even me out before the season begins... Whateve, lets focus on Energies on Your Client who's here Now," he clearly hear the contempt in my voice, how could he have not, even the mannequins heard it
Alex: "Well I wish I could help, but you may want to reconsider the cruise, good luck!"
At this point I walked away figuring we had caused enough damage and I wanted to check my tan lines in the 360 degree mirror, I assume she bought things or Not, I truly don't care, but the whole thing was a dream come true, it's sad She had to be the one person to take our bashing for all people like her all over the world, but keep in mind your laughing right now, wishing you could do the same, really we did a justice for the world
I was in my friends store the other day waiting for him to get off work so we could attend said Party, let me just preface this by saying its a great store and he loves it for the most part, but that night this lady came in wanting clothes for a cruise she was going on, she gave him a sob story about how she works all week and didn't have time to come in until now. Oh I'm so sorry for, but you are going on a cruise and a lot of people work all week sweetheart and manage to shop some other time.
She grabbed a ton of clothes and headed for the dressing rooms even after we both made bitchy faces and I started to tap my foot and adjust my blonde faux hawk in the mirror, most sales people would see a potential good sale, buck it up and smooze her, but that night we weren't having it. So Alex, not his real name, looked at everything at said "Wow size 12's huh?! Might be a bit snug I'll see if we even carry a bigger size" I about died I could believe it! We all want to say it but he really did, she really wasn't that big, but I got his clue, and I knew it was ON! She came out in the first outfit, here is how the conversation went
Alex: "It just makes you look pregnant the way it drapes"
Me: " Huh, it really does, your not are you?"
Stupid Lady: What, No, I'm 50 I couldn't possibly be..."
Me: Interrupting "... your only in your fifties, Huh? well try another one"
Next outfit
Alex: "I just cant believe how ill fitting that is, and you look So washed out, and we have good lighting in here imagine how you would look in daylight and on a cruise ship no less, no place to hide there"
I was laughing so hard in my head I could barely muster up a line, but I regained my composure,
Me: "Ya, I was on a cruise a few months ago and everything shows, not on me mind you I looked great, but on others, You really shouldn't even be here, you should be working out"
Alex to Me: Oh and she should get a tan at the place you love so much with the spray on..."
Me: "What! I don't use a spray on tan this is natural tone, I'm part European!"
Lady: "Oh Its a european cruise Im going on..."
Me; "Uh Huh, I cant believe you think that, I only tan a little to even me out before the season begins... Whateve, lets focus on Energies on Your Client who's here Now," he clearly hear the contempt in my voice, how could he have not, even the mannequins heard it
Alex: "Well I wish I could help, but you may want to reconsider the cruise, good luck!"
At this point I walked away figuring we had caused enough damage and I wanted to check my tan lines in the 360 degree mirror, I assume she bought things or Not, I truly don't care, but the whole thing was a dream come true, it's sad She had to be the one person to take our bashing for all people like her all over the world, but keep in mind your laughing right now, wishing you could do the same, really we did a justice for the world
May 10, 2009
Clearly Doug's Dirty Dish is the winner!
While I've not yet started the site and the polls are officially still open everyone has told me they like this the best, and I have bought the domain name, so check it out in a few days maybe a week! Thanks to everyone who voted, and please stay with me on this blog, I promise to keep it updated
He is the one person living or dead I would want to have lunch with, and sleep with
I WOSHIP TOM FORD, HE IS A FASHION & BUSINESS GENIOUS! If by some chance you don't know him. You are of course dead to me. google him. Know him. Love him. Also I have his book if you want to see it, the best 250 buck's I ever spent. EVER.
3 boys in a photo booth
I just came across these picture's I think it was my first trip to seattle, we were at a bar and they had this photo booth, we were all Trashed! Its amazing all our clothes were on. On a side note I miss my dark hair, but not so much being trashed
Catching up with Heath...
Let me just say I love Heath, if anyone loves to dish about Hot Tranny Mess's and laugh about horrible fashion and design as much as me, it's Heath, we had a quick dinner, saw the new things he has in has Fabulous house, we talked about my break up, his husband, my new diggs & how much we both want to live in San Diego. I know I have been moved and single for a while now but I haven't seen him since the Ethan Allen grand opening, and speaking of Ethan Allen, I'm going to go by Douglas Alan from now on, I've wanted a name change for a while now and it will be easy since its my middle name, no legal fuss or paperwork and it has a good ring to it, anyway back to our dinner. Heath and his husband are the gays we all want to be like, young, cute, happily together for 5 years, making good money, traveling the world, shopping all the time. One more thing about Heath he always says "Ciao" when we say our good bye's, he lived in Italy for sometime, perhaps he can be a contributor on my new site, thanks for a great dinner sweetheart, Ciao
The Poll's are closing soon
I must say I'm a little upset that not many people voted, I asked a friend what she voted for. She hadn't. She didn't even realize I had quizzes on here, read my entries people don't just look at the pictures!!! So regarding my quizzes, I probably won't be shaving my head but I will go dark soon and I will get a tattoo but not for a couple month's seeing as how it will be around a thousand dollars. I don't know what the web name is going to be just yet, but the good news is Mr. Eppich, my PR guy, want's to do a weekly post on the site and he is almost as funny as I.
Sexy Boy Sunday, my newest feature
I just love these guys! So. Hot.
Such a great kiss
I told you I would be at the gym with camera in hand
Such a great kiss
I told you I would be at the gym with camera in hand
May 4, 2009
Hmmm, Decisions...
My PR guy and my Advertising guy are already in a disagreement about my new web site name, my Ad guy loves Doug's Dirty Dish and SL,UTy Behavior, referring to Salt Lake,UT Behavior, (call me if you don't get it and I'll explain) both would be for a gossip, caddy, bitchy site about salt lake and the gay community also my adventures and hilarious things, my PR guy doesn't like either and wants me to name the site something with dignity and taste, he knows that is clearly not my style and that is why he is my PR guy, Love you Greg! I do like the idea of being anonymous in my postings so SL,UTy Behavior is fun and I could make fun of people with out them knowing it was me, it would be like SLCDirt.com but better and much Funnier, so I've posted yet another poll, please, please let me know what you think, anyone who votes wont be talked about on the new site, otherwise I cant promise anything
And then you realize you love someone else
These Guys for instance!! I was at the gym tonight after a few month hiatus and let me tell you nothing has changed, monday is still hot boy night! I nearly fell of the eliptical a dozen times, Eye candy everywhere! These two tanned buff, hairless boys started stretching right by me and this picture doesn't begin to do them justice, but I only had a second to get a pic, If you work out at 24 hour in sugarhouse I'll see you every monday night!! I'll be the guy with the camera and x ray glasses
Oh and this pic is a baseball game I attended to see Maree play in, she was Fabulous, and I really wanted to see if one of the guys on Her team was on My team, so to speak, he is. Also the 3rd basemen on the other team was also on My team and HOTT!!! He obviously shrunk his Tight jersey to show off his perfect pecs and I cheered everytime he lifted his shirt to wipe his forehead, OH and his number is 69, please! I will be attending more games, and he is welcome to throw balls or take me to 3rd base anytime!
Oh and this pic is a baseball game I attended to see Maree play in, she was Fabulous, and I really wanted to see if one of the guys on Her team was on My team, so to speak, he is. Also the 3rd basemen on the other team was also on My team and HOTT!!! He obviously shrunk his Tight jersey to show off his perfect pecs and I cheered everytime he lifted his shirt to wipe his forehead, OH and his number is 69, please! I will be attending more games, and he is welcome to throw balls or take me to 3rd base anytime!
May 3, 2009
Queer As Folk, Remembered
We're sitting here watching Queer As Folk (QAF) the British version, one of the perks of living right by the Tower theatre, Independent and hard to find dvd & video rentals, we've never seen it even though it came out before the American version, It's really good actually and it takes me back to the days when we all used to gather at this great Lounge called Zippers, everyone would be there after a long weekend of partying, we'd all drink beer and sit in those big wing back chairs and watch the adventures of our favorite characters and compare which one we were most like, I was Emmit, a slender, handsome, Queeny, stylish & witty homo, Bobby was michael, the good looking guy next door, I think Dave was Brian Kinny, and I forget the rest, It was a big part of my gay adolescence I'll never forget it, QAF always pushed the limits and really hit topics that were so important to the community, Drugs, Sex, HIV, Gay Marriage, Gay parenting, all things friends and I were going through at the time Scandalous!! I wouldn't trade my twenties for anything, I don't regret any of it... Checkout both the British and American version's if you haven't yet!! I have a couple of the seasons for anyone who wants to borrow them
Tattoo? Perhaps
Don't worry these pics don't show anything too graphic. This is the Tattoo I want it would go from the bottom of my ribs down my oblique onto my hip and end mid thigh, I think it would be Hot
I have two new polls on here one is to see what you guys think of me shaving my head and letting my hair grow in natural, it would give me the opportunity to let my stubble grow in nicely with my natural color, and I have really good scruff! The other is whether I should get a tattoo, I've wanted it forever, but its so permanent and we all know how I am with commitment, UGH!
I have two new polls on here one is to see what you guys think of me shaving my head and letting my hair grow in natural, it would give me the opportunity to let my stubble grow in nicely with my natural color, and I have really good scruff! The other is whether I should get a tattoo, I've wanted it forever, but its so permanent and we all know how I am with commitment, UGH!
Breaking and entering...by Ms. Merryweather! I love that name!!
After talking to my attorney we technically didn't break into this house, since the backdoor was open and it was for rent, this is the most adorable vanity in what would be my bathroom with the cutest guy in it (thats me!)
A view from the living room of the front yard, I had to be quick since I know for a fact the police have a 2 minute response time in this neighborhood, its a good area.
Darrin peeking in the back window after I insisted we check out the backyard, he was the first to enter, thats my story and I'm sticking to it!
This was actually my first pic of the house, the yard needs a lot of work but if you know Darrin, it would be a breeze for him and his green thumb, he also has green pinkies, he's that good!
This is my all time favorite picture, Lee Merryweather!!! He/she has this house listed, from now on just call me MS. MerryWeather!!!!!!
We walked by on our way back home and their was a cop in front of the house, he said a report had been called in about some guys lurking around!! We gasped, blurted out something about the neighborhood going to Hell and skipped away as to not draw attention to ourselves.
A view from the living room of the front yard, I had to be quick since I know for a fact the police have a 2 minute response time in this neighborhood, its a good area.
Darrin peeking in the back window after I insisted we check out the backyard, he was the first to enter, thats my story and I'm sticking to it!
This was actually my first pic of the house, the yard needs a lot of work but if you know Darrin, it would be a breeze for him and his green thumb, he also has green pinkies, he's that good!
This is my all time favorite picture, Lee Merryweather!!! He/she has this house listed, from now on just call me MS. MerryWeather!!!!!!
We walked by on our way back home and their was a cop in front of the house, he said a report had been called in about some guys lurking around!! We gasped, blurted out something about the neighborhood going to Hell and skipped away as to not draw attention to ourselves.
Oh my! Hot landscapers and other shocking things
This is a house for rent in our neighborhood, that we may have accidentally broken into, see more on that later
I though we lived in a good neighborhood but apparently not if you can just bathe in your front yard... Not that I haven't done it once or twice!!
I nearly tripped over my dignity after I saw these 3 GORGEOUS, GREEK GOD LIKE Guys, click on the images for a better view!
These guys should be modeling somewhere not pulling weeds! I had to sneak into American Apparel to get a picture, and had to buy a shirt to keep the sales people quiet, its really cute though!!
I though we lived in a good neighborhood but apparently not if you can just bathe in your front yard... Not that I haven't done it once or twice!!
I nearly tripped over my dignity after I saw these 3 GORGEOUS, GREEK GOD LIKE Guys, click on the images for a better view!
These guys should be modeling somewhere not pulling weeds! I had to sneak into American Apparel to get a picture, and had to buy a shirt to keep the sales people quiet, its really cute though!!
May 1, 2009
Helen Keller...Revised
Just getting home from another 12 hour day, and I was dancing last night till 1 am, I'll post pics in a few days it was an 80's party and I looked great, there was this table of 3 guys 2 were good looking, 1 was a little chunky and trying to pull off a tight, pink logo Abercrombie & Fitch t shirt, poor thing it should have read Thick & Chunky instead, They were all mesmerized by Suzie and I dancing, I was teasing them by lifting up my shirt and showing off my tight tanned stomach, and in true 80's fashion I was wearing 2 Polo's with the collar's up, and I was so hot I just had to take them off throw them aside like a rock star and dance some more with suzie's friend Josh who couldn't keep his hands off me, and is HOT! I thought Thick & Chunky was going to drop his drink he couldn't stop staring at me none of them could!! I love those moments! Nothing compares when you know how hot you are and how much everyone wants you, I also got a straight mormon guy to dance with me, he said he'd never been with a guy before, "Im a virgin", Im sure and your dancing with a shirtless gay guy, thats the lamest line out there, I knew a guy that played that on everyone guy in the valley, anyway I had a blast, then woke up early this morning, closed 2 good sales and went to an appointment where a woman wanted her living room to look like the celestial room in the temple and asked me "You've been there right?" What The What?! Had she met me?! was she blind?! and deaf?! I was in skinny slacks, a pink shirt and had a blonde faux hawk, helen keller could have smelled my gay from a mile away!
April 30, 2009
The queen of my castle...
Welcome to my new castle!! I had to post a pic of something gorgeous to counter act that hideous pillow in the previous post, I LOVE this house more than I have ever loved anything or anyone, its fab, on a great street in a great gayborhood and for sale, shown by appointment only I'm guessing somewhere around 3 million, any takers who want me for a roommate, or who want to be my king? 
Lunch With The Ladies
Their are many perks to working in a design studio with fun women and gorgeous things as opposed to sitting in a cubicle with a bunch of nerds talking about... whatever it is nerds talk about. Case in point lunch on wednesday.
Jaime, Michelle and I sat on the patio at an adorable little Chinese restaurant on Wednesday, and while I'm fabulous, well dressed and poised its nice to walk down the street and dine with women who are equally Fabulous, stylish and lady like. We chatted about clothes, design, work, my blog and bitches I hate, it was a very long lunch, and if your thinking "I wonder if they talked about me?" its very likely... I have to go now a new Ugly Betty is on! We Love You Betty !
Jaime, Michelle and I sat on the patio at an adorable little Chinese restaurant on Wednesday, and while I'm fabulous, well dressed and poised its nice to walk down the street and dine with women who are equally Fabulous, stylish and lady like. We chatted about clothes, design, work, my blog and bitches I hate, it was a very long lunch, and if your thinking "I wonder if they talked about me?" its very likely... I have to go now a new Ugly Betty is on! We Love You Betty !
April 29, 2009
Have we met
I started a group on facebook today entitled Dougie Fresh's Blog, to help promote this blog and my writing, please join and become a fan if you haven't yet, and I promise I will write more posts in the next day or two I have so many stories but Life has been busy and when your as slutty... I mean popular as I am, its hard to keep up with everything, so check out tomorrows spots "Lunch with the ladies" detailing my adventures with two fabulous and classy girls from work. "Don't try this at home" a story about fashion gone horribly wrong, not by me of course and "Miss Workout 2009" a story about me in a boot camp work out class, I still have the sash to prove it! Also I will be attending an 80's prom night party Thursday night so I'll have great pics this weekend
April 28, 2009
Random Hotness
? I dont know what this was
my cute outfit today
Me in michelle's coat which I believe she should just give me
my cute outfit today
Me in michelle's coat which I believe she should just give me
Lots of new things
Alright, I have about 14 things I'm excited to talk about but I just worked a 12 hour day, and have to work again early, don't worry it was a good day, the best one is I'm meeting with an editor/advertising guy for lunch to talk about my writing and my Blog, so I need all your good energy and referrals from friends about my Blog, I need lots of readers and comments People!!! This could be HUGE for me!
April 26, 2009
Revised, The most adorable church...
Okay, my adopted mother Michelle was a bit annoyed by what I wrote on this entry so I'm revising, now keep in mind while sometimes I write controversial or down right bitchy things its why you all Love me, so sometimes you'll have to deal with it, I was also told I had bad punctuation and grammar, to this I say "Suck IT BITCHES!!!" Just kidding, while I do make mistakes i do certain things on purpose so pay attention you might notice things. A few nights ago I went walking around and I stopped at the most adorable church, I had been there many times before but had forgotten about it, its called the garden park church, and while I'm not a big fan of religion, which is a huge understatement, this place honestly is like something out of a Disney movie, and I would go to church once just to be a part of it. Not really, I can walk by there anytime
homes I'm coveting...
Coincidentally enough most of them are on Douglas street just blocks from my place now, and while I am getting more into photography I don't yet have the very expensive camera I'm also coveting so these pics will suffice for now
None of them were extremely large but all so well done and kept up well, mainly with small yards, I thought to my self thats all i need a small quaint house in a good area. Of course they are all worth over a million dollars, I need a wealthy husband, Im not kidding bitches, find me a husband!!
None of them were extremely large but all so well done and kept up well, mainly with small yards, I thought to my self thats all i need a small quaint house in a good area. Of course they are all worth over a million dollars, I need a wealthy husband, Im not kidding bitches, find me a husband!!
Guitar Hero
I love that game!! Although I am actually better when I'm drunk, I was playing it until around midnight at a party and was glad to have the break from the club, so unfortunately I don't have any pics this week, but i will post pics of homes I'm coveting from around my neighborhood, speaking of that walking around my new Diggs lately with the weather as it is, made me think so much of seattle, my neighborhood is a tiny slice of seattle put in salt lake; unique homes, winding streets, mature trees, little shops and coffee houses, the whole energy is different, laid back, liberal, it is the only place I want to live until I move, as much as I've been talking about san diego lately I feel so at home in seattle and this weather, I already know the city and have a group of friends there, it just feels right and I can play guitar hero just as easily there as anywhere right?!
April 22, 2009
Ive been raving about this for years!!
The 9 Inch diet, You've Got to try it!!
I AM DYING!! Imagine me singing that, because I just did!
You can imagine the shock on my face when walking through Barnes and Noble I saw this!! Can you imagine the an editor approving that?! And even more upsetting MY Editor didn't think of it for me First!!! I've talked about this "diet" for years and told men and women alike they had to try it to believe it, those who did agreed but not everyone dared, now someone else is getting my credit!! How am I going to top that for my first book title!?!? Alex Your fired!!!
I AM DYING!! Imagine me singing that, because I just did!
You can imagine the shock on my face when walking through Barnes and Noble I saw this!! Can you imagine the an editor approving that?! And even more upsetting MY Editor didn't think of it for me First!!! I've talked about this "diet" for years and told men and women alike they had to try it to believe it, those who did agreed but not everyone dared, now someone else is getting my credit!! How am I going to top that for my first book title!?!? Alex Your fired!!!
Today...
Has been so great!!... mainly because last night i was coming down with something and felt like it might be strep, but today about noon the only thing still not right was my allergies, so I popped 2 allegra freebased my nasonex and was off on the town!! walked up to coffee garden my local and favorite coffee place, got my hair done, went to a coffee shop, went to the park for some sun and exercise, got a couple hours of work done for 2 clients, caught up with Darrin and Grant, walked back up to coffee garden for an iced green tea, and have been writing for an hour which brings me to now when my friend Greg just walked by and said how good my hair looked, god bless you greg, This is why I love spring and days off!! Everyone is out & about, flashing smiles and in a good mood, guys are jogging with their shirts off and girls... well if there's a guy with a shirt off I dont even see the girl, but they all seem to be happy anyway, and even with people everywhere I've had so much me time, I forget how happy I am single, there are so many opportunities, if you get my drift, and the day is all yours, hope your all enjoying the day!
April 21, 2009
Another blog... perhaps
Jamie, a hip twenty something mother with great hair and an aura that people are instantly attracted to, and Michelle, My adopted mother who can talk reality shows with any twenty something, were telling me today how funny they're relatives think my stories are, which made me ask if they were all reading my blog, as I said the words it occurred to me it may be a bit racy for certain fans, and that's still after editing A LOT out, but they hadn't been to this blog!! I must have passed out because when I came to there was a Hot paramedic over me, so I pretended to pass out again so he could give me more mouth to mouth, dont judge me He had a hard on Too, anyway it made me think maybe I could do another blog how I really want to and keep this one more friendly as to attract more readers, double exposure would only get me more readers and therefore discovered sooner, thoughts? And what about a name? format? so much to think about
April 20, 2009
Shout out to Spence... part two
Years ago One of My best friends, Spence, and I had a little... Fun with one another on our blogs, look back in some of my earlier posts and check his blog www.spence-a-lick.blogspot.com I eventually won the war and he admitted how much better, cooler and hotter I am than he, having said that, I do love him like the gay brother I never had, Hes cute, funny, athletic, talented in so many ways, has a gorgeous home in seattle, drives a BMW and has never judged me, that I know of. So when we chatted last night I realized how much I MISS him and how even living so far apart we go through similar things at the same time, I don't think anyone gets my Crazies like he does and can always talk me down from them, and vice versa, You can all meet him when he comes to visit me in July, If I can wait that long to see him...
More Pics...
No that's not me, But it is my twin apparently! What the HELL!
Amanda, Me in the shadows and my Girl Cami
I kow what your thinking isnt that Dougs imaginary boyfriend?! Ys it is and that guy on top of him is his boyfriend, true story , but its fine theyre vte together andi have a new crush scroll down
No not her!!! thats just amanda being cheered, keep scrolling
This guy is my new crush, in the gray shirt with the great jaw line and eyes that pierce my soul, excuse me im going to need a minute alone..
Here are a bunch of pics...
Amanda lepore with her ass about in my face, see how tiny she is compared to me in the gray shirt
More Amanda working the crowd!!
Oh Yes, Shes ALL Woman Now!!
(From left to right) Bobby Smith, Mark Thrash, Gorgeous Me!! A little info on bobby, Hes is the greatest friend a guy could have and has been so great to me Love You Bobby!!
No explanation needed...Actually just a little explanation Im loving the deep V neck shirts on me! I got a ton of compliments. Also a note about Amanda Lepore, I know I sometimes make fun of trannys or call people I don't like Trannys, you all know who you are, But Good for her for being true to herself, sure she looks a little plastic, but she's rich and famous
More Amanda working the crowd!!
Oh Yes, Shes ALL Woman Now!!
(From left to right) Bobby Smith, Mark Thrash, Gorgeous Me!! A little info on bobby, Hes is the greatest friend a guy could have and has been so great to me Love You Bobby!!
No explanation needed...Actually just a little explanation Im loving the deep V neck shirts on me! I got a ton of compliments. Also a note about Amanda Lepore, I know I sometimes make fun of trannys or call people I don't like Trannys, you all know who you are, But Good for her for being true to herself, sure she looks a little plastic, but she's rich and famous
April 19, 2009
So its 2 am...
... and I cant sleep so I'll write about some random things, what's new about that I wonder, just home from the club and while I'm tired from dancing all night my mind is racing from the events that occurred, first off Amanda Lepore was Amazing, great performer and the best boob job Ive ever seen they are big and flawless! And were literally in my face the whole time, she was on stage 3 feet above the ground and I was staring straight at them, she's that short, and when I went back stage to meet her a dozen questions raced through my head, but all that came out was "... Your so fabulous, and your boobs are Amazing..." what do you say to the most famous Tranny in the world? She just said " Oh thanks your so cute! I had them done 3 times", then the cameras flashed a few times, which made me feel a little famous, also strutting in VIP past a big line of people didn't hurt my ego, Its so fun to hear all those people talking about you and wishing they were you, Its like a drug! And we all looked so Good, look for pics on here tomorrow... Anyway without another word I walked away... so I pose a question for everyone, what would you have said and asked her?
Also I met a really cute guy who is moving here in a few weeks, Anthony I think was his name, I thought he might be straight at first because he was wearing an over sized plaid shirt almost buttoned up to the top and and tennis shoes, the club was more packed than I've ever seen it, so I'm surprised they let him in looking like that, but he had a cute nerdy quality to him, and we all know how much I Love that, So I went over said hello and told him he had to unbutton his shirt, he said he was waiting, so I did it for him, I cant believe the shit i get away with sometimes!! He had a really good chest, and was fun to talk to, but I'm past the point where I take guys home from the club and I couldn't see myself dating a nerdy guy again, So I suppose I made a new friend, good for me.
Also I met a really cute guy who is moving here in a few weeks, Anthony I think was his name, I thought he might be straight at first because he was wearing an over sized plaid shirt almost buttoned up to the top and and tennis shoes, the club was more packed than I've ever seen it, so I'm surprised they let him in looking like that, but he had a cute nerdy quality to him, and we all know how much I Love that, So I went over said hello and told him he had to unbutton his shirt, he said he was waiting, so I did it for him, I cant believe the shit i get away with sometimes!! He had a really good chest, and was fun to talk to, but I'm past the point where I take guys home from the club and I couldn't see myself dating a nerdy guy again, So I suppose I made a new friend, good for me.
April 17, 2009
Save the date... June 6th!!
Listen up everyone, Darrin and I are planning our first Party of the season it will be a night never to be forgotten, SAVE THE DATE BITCHES, if you dont come to this party your Dead. To. Me.
June 6th at our place, stay tuned for more details or call me. I'll send out invites soon. It will be a White party, dress all in white, the only other color allowed is pink as it will be our accent color, and any color shoe is fine, but should be approved by me in advance, cant wait to see you all there!!!
June 6th at our place, stay tuned for more details or call me. I'll send out invites soon. It will be a White party, dress all in white, the only other color allowed is pink as it will be our accent color, and any color shoe is fine, but should be approved by me in advance, cant wait to see you all there!!!
April 16, 2009
Karma
I don't know what exactly changed this year that has made me such a different person... actually thats a lie, I do know... Karma. Oh she is a feisty mistress!! I've had a crazy couple of years. Honestly i've had a crazy 10 years, my twentys and into my early thirty's seem like some movie they show elementary school kids to scare them into behaving, "scared straight" i think its called, It didn't work for me in either sense of the word. Obviously. But back to Karma, everything good and bad in the past few years I've done to someone has also happened to me in return, I didnt always understand how I helped or hurt people early on, I did what I wanted to do or say and fuck anyone else, If I liked you I was good to you with no expected return and if I hated you, well God help you!
I woke up recently and realized while my world was crumbling down around me, it was also a bit better somehow and I realized Karma had caught up to me, had her way with me, and tossed me aside like I had done to so many guys in the past, So I cried, took a shower, dried myself off, looked in the mirror and realized once again how Tall, Hot and Fun I am TA-DA!! But now I have to go, I just got a text from my girlfriend, Suzie, who is one of the few people who can keep up with my dancing, saying the Hot Guy, Josh, I have a crush on is at the club and asked about me!! peace out bitches... Love you Karma
I woke up recently and realized while my world was crumbling down around me, it was also a bit better somehow and I realized Karma had caught up to me, had her way with me, and tossed me aside like I had done to so many guys in the past, So I cried, took a shower, dried myself off, looked in the mirror and realized once again how Tall, Hot and Fun I am TA-DA!! But now I have to go, I just got a text from my girlfriend, Suzie, who is one of the few people who can keep up with my dancing, saying the Hot Guy, Josh, I have a crush on is at the club and asked about me!! peace out bitches... Love you Karma
April 15, 2009
Moving (on)...
Lying here on my bed in my new place, the roomie and I just had pizza and talked gossip about the latest Tragics (people who are completely Tragic) to appear on SLCDirt.com it is my new guilty pleasure, and I'm over facebook for the record, Darrin and I are determined to get on there doing something scandalous this summer! Or at the very least get our Ex's and enemys on there.
So the point of this blog is... as I was moving the last of my things today I ran across a box of probably a thousand pictures I have been meaning to put in albums for years, rummaging through them finally getting albums put together neurons fired signals to my brain I thought drugs and partying had erased eons ago, memories of people, places, trips, parties. So lying here I cant help but think of all the places I've moved into and left behind, the friends I knew at the time, guys I dated, the girl I almost impregnated, boot camp, college, jobs, where I am now, where I thought I would be now, and where I want to be in the future... stay tuned for pictures and stories.
So the point of this blog is... as I was moving the last of my things today I ran across a box of probably a thousand pictures I have been meaning to put in albums for years, rummaging through them finally getting albums put together neurons fired signals to my brain I thought drugs and partying had erased eons ago, memories of people, places, trips, parties. So lying here I cant help but think of all the places I've moved into and left behind, the friends I knew at the time, guys I dated, the girl I almost impregnated, boot camp, college, jobs, where I am now, where I thought I would be now, and where I want to be in the future... stay tuned for pictures and stories.
April 9, 2009
Without fail...
Now you all know I try and keep this blog as hilarious as...well as I am everyday, however once in a while things happen, even to me, that make us look inside ourselves and deal with things and life, I used to party or have sex or laugh the pain away, mainly the first two, but I want to do things differently this time, so deal with the fact that this wont be a funny entry but will maybe let you get to know the real me better, The Dougie Fresh only a handful of people know...
While the Killer Mr brightside remix that Spence first found for me, plays in the background, I think of how happy & sad it makes me, how many emotions and events are attached to it, and now I'm adding two more one happy & one sad. The weather today couldn't match my mood any better, cloudy overcast emotions, rain drops ranging from a single tear to huge sobs, the beat of the city and my heart both a little slower & exposed to the elements we cannot control... It always seems to rain after I have a break up, well not every time but every time I'm sad about it, most of the boyfriends I dump i don't feel bad about, but now and again you meet some one and fall in love and that person changes you forever and for reasons that aren't always bad or anyones fault it doesn't work out, this is why personal days were invented, but hopefully it makes you a better person.
Someone once told me there are no failed relationships just learning experiences, I repeated this to him after his last break up and he never recalled saying it (Really Darrin, Really!? ) but its good advice and true, I'm a better person for everyone of my friendships and relationships, and I hope they all think the same. Enjoy the rain and the day. Loves
While the Killer Mr brightside remix that Spence first found for me, plays in the background, I think of how happy & sad it makes me, how many emotions and events are attached to it, and now I'm adding two more one happy & one sad. The weather today couldn't match my mood any better, cloudy overcast emotions, rain drops ranging from a single tear to huge sobs, the beat of the city and my heart both a little slower & exposed to the elements we cannot control... It always seems to rain after I have a break up, well not every time but every time I'm sad about it, most of the boyfriends I dump i don't feel bad about, but now and again you meet some one and fall in love and that person changes you forever and for reasons that aren't always bad or anyones fault it doesn't work out, this is why personal days were invented, but hopefully it makes you a better person.
Someone once told me there are no failed relationships just learning experiences, I repeated this to him after his last break up and he never recalled saying it (Really Darrin, Really!? ) but its good advice and true, I'm a better person for everyone of my friendships and relationships, and I hope they all think the same. Enjoy the rain and the day. Loves
April 7, 2009
the sequel is to be continued...
The Hilarious ending to my Hot Nerd boyfriend Post is currently on hold, I Know readers, I know Im sorry too, stay tuned...
Me and my man(nequin) friend...
After the comments and laughs I recieved, I had to go to the store and take pictures of where my Eric took down a mannequin enjoy...
This picture is me pointing out the stairs that eric wouldn't pose for, and actually a really good pic of me I never realized how statuesque I am...Oh who am I kidding I always knew!!!
This is the Hot manequin that Eric actually knocked over, that apparently has been moved, also a good pic of It and looks A lot like me, Hhmm
And this is the picture I got of eric on the stairs after he refused to pose for a pi I thought he was going to take ME down after i took it!!
This picture is me pointing out the stairs that eric wouldn't pose for, and actually a really good pic of me I never realized how statuesque I am...Oh who am I kidding I always knew!!!
This is the Hot manequin that Eric actually knocked over, that apparently has been moved, also a good pic of It and looks A lot like me, Hhmm
And this is the picture I got of eric on the stairs after he refused to pose for a pi I thought he was going to take ME down after i took it!!
April 1, 2009
Camelt..OH!!
I know your all anxiously awaiting the conclusion to my previous entry, Its with my Editors as we speak, I thought I would take a minute to post about an evening that will not soon be forgotten by Anyone...
We were at the club and looked A-mazing, as I'm used to, but being one half of the cutest couple in salt lake isn't always easy, guys want to be you or hate you, gorgeous girls are always instantly drawn to you and want to be on your arm... case in point.
As we rolled into the club in tight Graphic tees that showed off our arms, looking like Hollywood Bitches, old friends and drunk people who wanted to know us gave us hugs and kisses and slurred sentences about how hot we looked, for the most part I simply said my token phrase " I know right..." smiled and pranced away, (to reference this prance look at my previous post, aka model walk) But one girl caught my attention, she was stunning!! Tall and slender, Long Blond staight shimmery hair, perfect skin and bone structure, walked like tyra banks in her red short dress and had that certain something that people were Drawn too, in short she was a Female Me, it was something out of a movie, our eyes met and we ran for each other she literally lept into my arms, kissed me and told me how hot I looked, I told her the same!! We could have gushed on for hours... Eric wasnt so much impressed, realizing how high she was and got us inside onto the dancefloor, knowing how well he and I dance together, he figured I would forget all about her, for the next 2 hours Eric and I tore up the dancefloor! Center stage like we always do, being so tall and blond its hard to be missed and of course a few friends and guys came over to say hello, we kept dancing, kissing and laughing until some people got onstage and started dancing, including miss tall blond and gorgeous, she saw me and motioned for me to get on stage with her, wanting to be the center of attention, I was tempted but Eric kept me from doing so, he had the good sense to realize only Tragics and one Hot model guy were on stage, he wanted to keep me away from both, God bless his Analytical nature, because shortly after she started dancing with this Really Hot Guy I wanted to hook up with... I mean, some dude Ive never seen before or since, and while she was facing the crowd her short skirt kept hiking up more and more along with her tight skimpy panties, everyone one was watching because this Guy she was dancing with was so Fucking Hott...OH and the skirt thing, just as I said "Eric I can see her cameltOH!!" the whole crowd let out a giant gasp, and you could see hundreds of homos hide their eyes and cry just like the day Prop 8 passed, I have never been so thankful for Eric keeping me in check and not letting me get carried away dancing with Hot Male models and Hot Tranny Mess's no matter how cute they are...
We were at the club and looked A-mazing, as I'm used to, but being one half of the cutest couple in salt lake isn't always easy, guys want to be you or hate you, gorgeous girls are always instantly drawn to you and want to be on your arm... case in point.
As we rolled into the club in tight Graphic tees that showed off our arms, looking like Hollywood Bitches, old friends and drunk people who wanted to know us gave us hugs and kisses and slurred sentences about how hot we looked, for the most part I simply said my token phrase " I know right..." smiled and pranced away, (to reference this prance look at my previous post, aka model walk) But one girl caught my attention, she was stunning!! Tall and slender, Long Blond staight shimmery hair, perfect skin and bone structure, walked like tyra banks in her red short dress and had that certain something that people were Drawn too, in short she was a Female Me, it was something out of a movie, our eyes met and we ran for each other she literally lept into my arms, kissed me and told me how hot I looked, I told her the same!! We could have gushed on for hours... Eric wasnt so much impressed, realizing how high she was and got us inside onto the dancefloor, knowing how well he and I dance together, he figured I would forget all about her, for the next 2 hours Eric and I tore up the dancefloor! Center stage like we always do, being so tall and blond its hard to be missed and of course a few friends and guys came over to say hello, we kept dancing, kissing and laughing until some people got onstage and started dancing, including miss tall blond and gorgeous, she saw me and motioned for me to get on stage with her, wanting to be the center of attention, I was tempted but Eric kept me from doing so, he had the good sense to realize only Tragics and one Hot model guy were on stage, he wanted to keep me away from both, God bless his Analytical nature, because shortly after she started dancing with this Really Hot Guy I wanted to hook up with... I mean, some dude Ive never seen before or since, and while she was facing the crowd her short skirt kept hiking up more and more along with her tight skimpy panties, everyone one was watching because this Guy she was dancing with was so Fucking Hott...OH and the skirt thing, just as I said "Eric I can see her cameltOH!!" the whole crowd let out a giant gasp, and you could see hundreds of homos hide their eyes and cry just like the day Prop 8 passed, I have never been so thankful for Eric keeping me in check and not letting me get carried away dancing with Hot Male models and Hot Tranny Mess's no matter how cute they are...
March 31, 2009
My new boyfriend... The Nerd
Let me just say, he knows I call him this, he's a self proclaimed nerd, he was in band for Christ sake, I've also referred to him as Adorkable for so many reasons, but both are complimentary, kind of, and once you finish this post you'll know why...
We had been talking about having some "fun" and going to the blue boutique to get some toys and perhaps some poppers, Since he was new to being a Bottom I didn't want to hurt him, too much. Now, Salt Lake is a small city, I run into people I know everywhere I go, So naturally I walk with confidence and class (aka my supermodel walk) everywhere I go because someone is going to know me, I'm Witty, social, and comfortable anywhere, So when we went to the blue boutique I walked in like it was no big deal, standing straight, looking everyone in the eye heading right back the toy and lube section, you could tell the employees were not used to this look and that most people walked in looking like well... eric, eyes on the floor a little hunched over, red in the face, you know the look. Stepping through those Adult Only doors I could see the Sheer shock on his face, the kind of shock I get when I walk into a Walmart or a payless shoes, Like you cant believe such a scary place even exists!!! I had a little fun showing him things I would never use and some I couldn't pronounce, we left there with a discreet black bag containing our purchases, as we walked to the car we of course ran into friends who were going to the restaurant that shared the same parking lot as afore mentioned Adult store, I acted casual and introduced Eric as my Boyfriend, we made jokes about the red lace hanging out of our discreet black bag and parted ways, I didn't think much of it after all what homo hadn't been to that store, besides eric I mean.
So we were off to our next destination, COCKERS the only boutique in salt lake owned by and made for gay men, they have the best underwear selection in the state. I had done some modeling for their store and some ads a few years earlier so I knew the owner well, Love you Dale!
Again I didn't think anything of walking into the back area and looking for new undies and Poppers, we were 2 of maybe a dozen people there and as we walked down the stairs from the upper level to meet the owner at the counter to inquire about the best "option for our Occasion" I walked like tyra banks would down a runway, owning every step, knowing all those guys wanted me, and being 6'5", blond and handsome I tend to attract attention, Alas So did Eric but in a different way... I heard a loud bang behind me and of course didn't turn around acting like I was to important to care, until I saw a mannequin wearing nothing but a mesh thong fall at my feet, AND then continue to fall down the stairs, hitting signs and other mannequins on the way down, my first instinct was to laugh and act casual like a true lady would, however eric was so mortified he ran past me down the stairs trying to catch the mannequins, this of Course made us more of a spectacle as he couldn't catch anything and was only making more noise and turning deeper and deeper shades of red! Everyone was looking at us, he reached for the torso that had finally stopped on the ground, when his pointy toed shoe kicked it and it went flying across the floor one last time and landed by the glass case that contained the very product we were intent on buying, I really and truly am not embarrassed by much, but after all this my first instinct was to pull my sunglasses over my eyes, laugh like I didnt know this adorkable guy, walk out of the store and never call him again, those of you who know me well know I could do that and not give it a second thought, looking at his awkward expression and wondering what to do seemed like hours when it was really about 3 seconds, however I did not walk out, but smiled, helped him clean things up and kissed him as his proud boyfriend, which I believe was the classy thing to do and eased the tension for everyone involved, I suppose we are all human and have our moments...
This however is not the end of the story, stay tuned for my next post tomorrow for the story on how the night ended up with all of our new purchases...
We had been talking about having some "fun" and going to the blue boutique to get some toys and perhaps some poppers, Since he was new to being a Bottom I didn't want to hurt him, too much. Now, Salt Lake is a small city, I run into people I know everywhere I go, So naturally I walk with confidence and class (aka my supermodel walk) everywhere I go because someone is going to know me, I'm Witty, social, and comfortable anywhere, So when we went to the blue boutique I walked in like it was no big deal, standing straight, looking everyone in the eye heading right back the toy and lube section, you could tell the employees were not used to this look and that most people walked in looking like well... eric, eyes on the floor a little hunched over, red in the face, you know the look. Stepping through those Adult Only doors I could see the Sheer shock on his face, the kind of shock I get when I walk into a Walmart or a payless shoes, Like you cant believe such a scary place even exists!!! I had a little fun showing him things I would never use and some I couldn't pronounce, we left there with a discreet black bag containing our purchases, as we walked to the car we of course ran into friends who were going to the restaurant that shared the same parking lot as afore mentioned Adult store, I acted casual and introduced Eric as my Boyfriend, we made jokes about the red lace hanging out of our discreet black bag and parted ways, I didn't think much of it after all what homo hadn't been to that store, besides eric I mean.
So we were off to our next destination, COCKERS the only boutique in salt lake owned by and made for gay men, they have the best underwear selection in the state. I had done some modeling for their store and some ads a few years earlier so I knew the owner well, Love you Dale!
Again I didn't think anything of walking into the back area and looking for new undies and Poppers, we were 2 of maybe a dozen people there and as we walked down the stairs from the upper level to meet the owner at the counter to inquire about the best "option for our Occasion" I walked like tyra banks would down a runway, owning every step, knowing all those guys wanted me, and being 6'5", blond and handsome I tend to attract attention, Alas So did Eric but in a different way... I heard a loud bang behind me and of course didn't turn around acting like I was to important to care, until I saw a mannequin wearing nothing but a mesh thong fall at my feet, AND then continue to fall down the stairs, hitting signs and other mannequins on the way down, my first instinct was to laugh and act casual like a true lady would, however eric was so mortified he ran past me down the stairs trying to catch the mannequins, this of Course made us more of a spectacle as he couldn't catch anything and was only making more noise and turning deeper and deeper shades of red! Everyone was looking at us, he reached for the torso that had finally stopped on the ground, when his pointy toed shoe kicked it and it went flying across the floor one last time and landed by the glass case that contained the very product we were intent on buying, I really and truly am not embarrassed by much, but after all this my first instinct was to pull my sunglasses over my eyes, laugh like I didnt know this adorkable guy, walk out of the store and never call him again, those of you who know me well know I could do that and not give it a second thought, looking at his awkward expression and wondering what to do seemed like hours when it was really about 3 seconds, however I did not walk out, but smiled, helped him clean things up and kissed him as his proud boyfriend, which I believe was the classy thing to do and eased the tension for everyone involved, I suppose we are all human and have our moments...
This however is not the end of the story, stay tuned for my next post tomorrow for the story on how the night ended up with all of our new purchases...
You'll Die!!!
So I advertised on facebook today a new blog entry that will make you die from laughter, I was going to change names and events a little to protect the innocent, if you can call him that, but it truly is best told just how it happened, So let me just say THIS about THAT...
March 12, 2009
Watchmen
I had heard little about this movie and just from the title thought I had seen something off color with the same name, so I was a bit intrigued, needless to say it was awful, I'm glad my nephews enjoyed it, and the naked blue guy helped... come to think of it the other watchmen movie I saw also had a naked blue guy in it... i think I smell copyright infringement!
I know i have been taking a long time to post new blogs, I have been connecting with a lot of old friends on facebook, I'm addicted and i have a new Beau, but i have plenty of stories, Stay tuned
I know i have been taking a long time to post new blogs, I have been connecting with a lot of old friends on facebook, I'm addicted and i have a new Beau, but i have plenty of stories, Stay tuned
January 2, 2009
new blog and web page
Im starting a new web page and blog i need feed back, what do we think of All Things Fresh or All Thats Fresh I like both
December 13, 2008
Caddy bitches and people who don't know better...
For those of you who don't know I recently resigned from my job, TA-DA!!! This is what people expect me to say after I say this, people are shocked, like i was a permanent fixture at that tacky store, that's partly why i left, so let me say This about That I was so sick of my fucking job and old, caddy, menopausal women I wanted to slit my wrists, literally, Its the reason I started drinking So much, I hate design right now, if you see me on the street don't ask me a design question or you may cause me to start drinking again, I went to a party tonight and I spoke with two kinds of people 1-Caddy Bitches and 2-people who clearly don't know me very well and didn't know any better.
Some dumb bitch works at a furniture store that is always on the verge of bankruptcy and she proceeded to tell me she had the best quarter of her life, this year, Bitch please I'm not stupid, were in a recession, and i can see the stress of your lies in your wrinkles and you've got a bad bleach job, I spit on her tacky shoes and walked away, example 2 a guy I dated for 2 minutes a couple years ago told me i hoped i was happy, which i am, and that he just wanted me to be a designer and be happy, was he fucking kidding me, did he hear a word i said, I hate design, Im sick of it, Im happy not having a stressful job, however I liked him more that the tacky bitch so i hugged him let myself out of the party and deleted his number,
People don't understand me, I have COMPLETELY changed who I am in the last year and i don't know these people anymore, and they don't know me, I was never the person they think I was, is it my fault? am I that good at putting on a show? or was i that messed up, i had some need to impress them?
Some dumb bitch works at a furniture store that is always on the verge of bankruptcy and she proceeded to tell me she had the best quarter of her life, this year, Bitch please I'm not stupid, were in a recession, and i can see the stress of your lies in your wrinkles and you've got a bad bleach job, I spit on her tacky shoes and walked away, example 2 a guy I dated for 2 minutes a couple years ago told me i hoped i was happy, which i am, and that he just wanted me to be a designer and be happy, was he fucking kidding me, did he hear a word i said, I hate design, Im sick of it, Im happy not having a stressful job, however I liked him more that the tacky bitch so i hugged him let myself out of the party and deleted his number,
People don't understand me, I have COMPLETELY changed who I am in the last year and i don't know these people anymore, and they don't know me, I was never the person they think I was, is it my fault? am I that good at putting on a show? or was i that messed up, i had some need to impress them?
"...you should date mormon girls..."
"...and do things like Ice Blocking..."
I was speechless. That is something that has only happened to me maybe 5 times in my entire life.
I was in a class recently and I had asked if anyone was single and how how was dating going since i was recently single, I thought it was a pretty easy question and having met me i assumed they all knew I was gay, apparently not.
One girl said "oh that's easy you just need to date mormon girls"
Wait What!? I tried to say the words but they wouldn't come out, I didn't even know where to start!!
girl #2 " ...and do things you wouldn't normally do like go Ice blocking..."
Again i tried to say something but my jaw just hung their in mid air, I thought surely I just hallucinated and these idiots were not talking to me, Dougie Fresh. but they were i think i must have passed out because i dont remember how that class ended.
I still have no idea what Ice Blocking is and will never try it, but i cant help but assume if mormon girls are doing it, thats why there up tight, frigid bitches.
I was speechless. That is something that has only happened to me maybe 5 times in my entire life.
I was in a class recently and I had asked if anyone was single and how how was dating going since i was recently single, I thought it was a pretty easy question and having met me i assumed they all knew I was gay, apparently not.
One girl said "oh that's easy you just need to date mormon girls"
Wait What!? I tried to say the words but they wouldn't come out, I didn't even know where to start!!
girl #2 " ...and do things you wouldn't normally do like go Ice blocking..."
Again i tried to say something but my jaw just hung their in mid air, I thought surely I just hallucinated and these idiots were not talking to me, Dougie Fresh. but they were i think i must have passed out because i dont remember how that class ended.
I still have no idea what Ice Blocking is and will never try it, but i cant help but assume if mormon girls are doing it, thats why there up tight, frigid bitches.
December 2, 2008
From A to Shoes, A brief gay history...
I dated someone recently, newly out of the closet, and he didn't know anything about being gay, he wore bad shoes, didn't know how to get his hair cut and didn't know anything about sex, poor thing didn't have a clue, luckily he had me and I know everything about being gay from A to shoes, so to speak;
First on my list, Anal sex: I'll keep this short as to not offend anyone (not that i typically care about that) but anyone who has been there knows what I'm talking about, it takes preparation.
next on my list, Jewelry He thought it cool to wear, what I call "Fag jewelry", I don't approve of much jewelry on a man, it needs to be tasteful, refined and contain No Jewels, therefore not making it jewelry, see how that works? we've all been there, you want to make a statement, I'm sure their are pics out there of me in similar things but i was 19, not 27 as I am now.
Restaurant's, he had this down he knew what places were Fab and what to order, his saving grace!
Shoes, he wore the Worst shoes! Things you could go hunting in, I assume, clunky things that were worn and...oh god i get a little queezy just picturing them again, and the strange thing is he had good taste in clothes for the most part, expensive jeans ect.
Alright so this goes past shoes but is equally important, Underwear, Lets break this down right now, Hanes or G's or anything worn is never, ever, appropriate if your trying to get laid, their not sexy or interesting or flattering, go online or to your local gay shop and get something colorful and bold and maybe a jock strap too, thats always sexy.
First on my list, Anal sex: I'll keep this short as to not offend anyone (not that i typically care about that) but anyone who has been there knows what I'm talking about, it takes preparation.
next on my list, Jewelry He thought it cool to wear, what I call "Fag jewelry", I don't approve of much jewelry on a man, it needs to be tasteful, refined and contain No Jewels, therefore not making it jewelry, see how that works? we've all been there, you want to make a statement, I'm sure their are pics out there of me in similar things but i was 19, not 27 as I am now.
Restaurant's, he had this down he knew what places were Fab and what to order, his saving grace!
Shoes, he wore the Worst shoes! Things you could go hunting in, I assume, clunky things that were worn and...oh god i get a little queezy just picturing them again, and the strange thing is he had good taste in clothes for the most part, expensive jeans ect.
Alright so this goes past shoes but is equally important, Underwear, Lets break this down right now, Hanes or G's or anything worn is never, ever, appropriate if your trying to get laid, their not sexy or interesting or flattering, go online or to your local gay shop and get something colorful and bold and maybe a jock strap too, thats always sexy.
November 29, 2008
Returning to my roots, Literally...
Speaking to a fan earlier today she said, "You know I could have gotten pregnant and had a baby in the time span since you wrote your last blog, whats the Problem?!" I wish she had instead of that stupid he/she who was on oprah, more on that later, heres the story with me...
...Once again my life is at a crossroads, I've taken a new job with a major fashion house, I've moved and I'm Blonde again (see picture above) those of you who have only known me a short while only know me with black or dark hair, but have been primarily blonde my whole life, more about that later..So i resigned from my job and took a job with a great company I can travel with seeing as how I dont want to be in salt lake city or Utah much longer, Im very excited about all the changes, and when i see old friends they about pass out and ask me " why all the changes and so drastically..." well I've always said larger than life is just the right size!
...Once again my life is at a crossroads, I've taken a new job with a major fashion house, I've moved and I'm Blonde again (see picture above) those of you who have only known me a short while only know me with black or dark hair, but have been primarily blonde my whole life, more about that later..So i resigned from my job and took a job with a great company I can travel with seeing as how I dont want to be in salt lake city or Utah much longer, Im very excited about all the changes, and when i see old friends they about pass out and ask me " why all the changes and so drastically..." well I've always said larger than life is just the right size!
March 25, 2007
Surely we'll be the gayest people there...
Typically that is a true statement when I visit my home town of Provo, I love making people in Provo feel uncomfortable because it is such a... well a backward place, so I always dress and act over the top gay, Yes bitches more than normal.
When I came out I just felt the need to show off, just ask one of many, my friend Spence, who first saw me walking through University Mall and wanted to be just like me, or anyone else who grew up there, or went to byu. I'm the Most Well Known Gay Man from Provo of my generation. But tonight Chris and I went to a party in provo and low and behold we met two guys who were "roommates" and had gone to byu, We knew they were gay instantly even though they were talking about they're ward and the tabernacle choir and missions etc. , well actually I knew Because of those things, and the fact that they had to leave early because they had a "chocolate souffle in the oven," Really? A chocolate souffle? Thats the gayest excuse I have ever heard, EVER. Chocolate souffle is either code for something or I have been out gayed. A friend of mine works with one of theses guys now and they are indeed that gay, so for now I keep my tiara, and I would love a piece of that chocolate souffle!
When I came out I just felt the need to show off, just ask one of many, my friend Spence, who first saw me walking through University Mall and wanted to be just like me, or anyone else who grew up there, or went to byu. I'm the Most Well Known Gay Man from Provo of my generation. But tonight Chris and I went to a party in provo and low and behold we met two guys who were "roommates" and had gone to byu, We knew they were gay instantly even though they were talking about they're ward and the tabernacle choir and missions etc. , well actually I knew Because of those things, and the fact that they had to leave early because they had a "chocolate souffle in the oven," Really? A chocolate souffle? Thats the gayest excuse I have ever heard, EVER. Chocolate souffle is either code for something or I have been out gayed. A friend of mine works with one of theses guys now and they are indeed that gay, so for now I keep my tiara, and I would love a piece of that chocolate souffle!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
