One day you realize...

As I near the passage way to my thirties, Their are certain things I'm realizing I need...Well not actually NEED, as I buy anything I want, But things I should have and do, break off the shackles of irresponsible adolescence and become an adult, for instance cooking and having actual cookwear. I realize a lot of people are good at cooking and do it often, not that I cant do it, I just Don't. Being happily Single, Busy and Fabulous, I eat out almost every meal of everyday. It's easy, and I love good food, getting dressed up and trying new restaurants.

But today was different, I was enjoying a leisurely afternoon and evening reading, watching movies and admiring all my weekend purchases, when I had a growling in my flat, toned tummy, since it was a lazy Sunday I decided to run down to my favorite take out Mexican place, instead of going anywhere fancy. But as I stepped outside it was incredibly snowy, which made me question again why I chose to live in Utah, but figured it was a question for another day, and I would just make the short drive to get my food. It wasn't a short drive, but a slow one. The roads were pure Ice, even large trucks were moving at glacial speeds, luckily I am a great driver, and my jetta really is a snow car, eventually I made it to the intersection where the restaurant was only to see it was closed, Luckily there was a great Chinese restaurant at the same intersection...that was also closed. In fact the whole area was closed, because the power was out.

I was without food, I didn't want to drive any further and I had nothing at the house, except maybe granola from wild oats I had purchased only because the packaging was adorable, but surely any milk I had would be bad by now.

So after a long, slow drive back to my place I sit here knowing, that for Christmas, I'm going to Williams Sonoma, and buying myself a set of pots and pans and coordinating accessories, So the next time this happens, or say, I want to impress my future husband by cooking him a gourmet meal I'll at least have the accessories.

But where does one go for designer food?

The Lemon Pepper Diet, You've Got To Try IT!!

We've all seen the soup commercial with those overly excited women yelling at their friends about how they lost pound after flabby pound on "...the chicken noodle diet, you've got to try it!!"

I hate them, we've all tried chicken noodle soup Bitches! Until Brittany Spears or Anna Nicole start raving about soup diets, keep them the hell away from me.

However for years my dear friend Darrin (who's fabo art work I have hanging proudly in my place) has kept in great shape by exercising and eating lots of vegetables and Chicken. Lemon Pepper Chicken. He used to make it for his family as much as 4 night a week, but his partner Grant never listened, dismissing Darrins great physique (I would know, we once did a photo shoot together in speedo's in citi creek, Literally in the freezing cold Creek, But I'll save this story for another blog.) on genetics and eating fast food, greasy, fattening fast food. Until one day he wanted to lose weight and started to work out and eat better, when he went to his trainer, the trainer told him to eat grilled chicken, so he does for days, chicken for dinner every night for weeks, he has trimmed down, looks great and is much happier. But alas he grew tired of eating plain chicken, so he went back to his trainer and guess what his trainer said, "if you get tired of chicken you can put lemon pepper on it." Wow! lemon pepper who knew!? Apparently someone near and dear to grants heart, His trainer.

Have we met?

Picture it. Sicily, 1932, on a cold rainy night... Wait that's not me, that was Sophia on the Golden Girls, Forgive me, It's on Lifetime Television 14 times a day so sometimes I get confused, Butt it happens to the best of us, right?

Picture it; The gym, My gym, just days ago...
I was feeling full of energy one night and since my Trainer (of death) had put me on a tight workout schedule, and taken all the fun out of eating and getting drunk, I decided to go to the Gym, After 45 minutes of cardio and some sit ups I was very proud of myself and was sure Andrew (Trainer of Death) would be as well. It was time for some much needed sauna time, I went into the lockeroom to change, when I bent over to put on my trunks for the sauna, Right behind me I heard " Hey Johnny..." feeling vulnerable in my naked state I stood up and turned around to see some strange man behind me with a "Hey man, good to see you" look on his face, turn to a "Oh god, I'm stupid" look on his face, Then he said "Oh sorry man, I thought you were someone else" in a rather sheepish voice. Apparently I have a familiar look from the back! I still don't know how to feel about this encounter, But have since met Johnny and can Say I don't see the resemblance.

How could I have known?

Recently I was checking out a friends new fabulous condo, when I saw a picture of his college rugby team (YUMMY). I decided to play "Yes/No" with said picture, for those of you who don't know what Yes/No is I'll explain, Featured on Sex and the City, you say yes or no to guys you'd sleep with, you can play this at a cafe or walking through the mall or say, on a picture of a rugby team, after several "Yes!"s and only 3 No's I sat the picture down and another caught my eye, It was a picture of my friend and his friends at the prom with their dates, they all looked so cute in their tuxedo's and corsages, "Mike," I said "You look cute, But your Date's Hair is HORRIBLE!" I followed this comment with the kind of face a cat makes when choking on a hair ball, assuming it was just bad high school hair that everyone has in prom pictures, I expected laughs and a long conversation about high school hair over drinks in his new hot tub, instead mike threw a wrench in my plans and said, "Thats my MOM, at my sisters wedding last year, YOU ASSHOLE!!"
Most people would have been Mortified and apologetic. Being the Ice queen I am, I was of course Neither and simply said what was on my mind, which was " Well has she changed it since then?! " She Hadn't.
There were of course no laughs or drinks in the hot tub, But Mike and I are talking again and I am working on smuggling both pictures onto my blog, so stay tuned.

The top TEN reasons why Spence (and everybody else) Loves me

Why my good friend spence has waged a blog war on me I'll never know. Well read on, here are the 10 reasons spence loves me!!

#10 I drove with him from Salt Lake to Seattle and stayed in haunted hotels when I could have been on a climate controled transcontinental air line. I do indeed have him covered like a jimmy hat, a very tall, young and slender jimmy hat!

#9 I'm the most Stylish Bitch I know, and I know alot of people.Period. End of sentence.

#8 Everytime I visit seattle I help him pick out Fabo furniture for his penthouse and never once have I charged him a design fee!

#7 I do have a great sense of humor, I'm super fun!! Ask anyone who knows me. ANY OF THEM.

#6 Because Spence and I are twins seperated at birth, And were always there for each other. Like the time he told me I rely to much on my Hair, and that we were not on Americas Next Top Hair Model.

#5 Because I would never eat at alberto's. And there aren't pictures to prove otherwise.

#4 Because I've never told anyone about the time he had diareah at Alberto... Wait, What.

#3 I'm Hella fine.

#2 MAD Photogenic.

#1 And Rockin 1 leg. So take a walk bitches 'cause I cant.

Kisses.

If Madonna can write a childrens book so can I!!

I have a fictional friend who does Mad drugs, one day in seattle I saw him doing this...


Which led me to a little of this...


which led me to a little of this (I'm the one in the dress, don't my legs look great!)


Which according to the news led to this...Oopsie!


Which ended up alright because it led to a little of this, Hello Mr. firefighter!


What do you think? Let me know
Madonna if your reading this don't get angry, I love your work!

Pay back is a Bitch!

Whomever coined the phrase "One good turn deserve's another" is a genious!
I Now fullly understand the complexity of that phrase. For those of you who dont know what I'm talking about... Let's not kid around you've all seen me on spence's blog chowing on a moons over my hammy!! I think this picture says it all. Payback is indeed a Bitch.
Love you spence, Kisses!

My psychic experience...?

For years I've wanted to see a psychic, ever since I saw what fun Whoopi Goldberg had in the movie GHOST with Patrick Swazie, so when a girlfriend of mine told me hers was amazing I had to go, despite the fact she lives on 6000 west, when I called for an appointment she said wednesday would work but I should call her before hand to make sure. What?! If shes so psychic shouldn't she know if it would work for her? I'm not psychic but I have the good sense to carry a day planner!
So one hour before my appointment I called and no answer, then 30 min before, again no answer, so after much deliberation I locked my car doors, and hopped on the 80 heading west, when I got off on the 5600 west exit it was a whole different energy than what I was used to in my east side habitat, and I couldn't help think "maybe she can see spirits because shes so much closer to hell down here!" Once I arrived the door was open and it smelt like patchouli, whatever, I was down here and there was no turning back, she was actually quite normal looking and pleasant and I felt bad for making fun of her neighborhood, then I thought "what if she knows what I was thinking about and puts a curse on me!?" But I had to know if I would marry Hugh Jackman! So I went in and sat down at a dinning table my parents gave to the salvation army in 1982, talk about a spiritual connection!
Right off she told me my deceased mother was my guardian angel and had been by my side since the day she passed away. Whoa, she nailed that! Then she said my hair looked great! 2 in a row, she was on fire!! I was hooked. We spoke of more spiritual matters and hair care products, then she dropped a bomb and said, " In 5 years you will get married to a woman and have twins..." I was speechless. Now everyone knows I'm a big Homo so this is when I chimned in with "Are we both having an affair with the pool boy?" She didn't laugh. Further more we would be in love and have 4 children total. Can you imagine? I hope she looks good in a tux because I'll be in a Vera Wang gown walking down the aisle on our wedding day!!
After more talk, some making sense and some not, her Final thought of the day was This; That I was a writer, and a good one at that! And that I needed to keep writing alot and I would one day be famous for it. Damn her! She was back in my good graces and I gave her a big tip. I wonder if she knew I would write this blog about her, maybe it will make us both famous?

Somethings you can skimp on...

I've experienced some new and great things since being with Brian, he opens me up to things I wouldn't have tried otherwise, and vice versa (whether he admits it or not). So here's some advice I'd like to pass on, you can get a coffee or hot chocolate at your local 7-11 just as good as the ones at any trendy coffee shop, they have a plethera of flavorings one can mix and match yourself for just $1.25, cherry chocolate mocha for instance, or a carmel vanilla cheesecake latte, I think they could make a fortune if they called it the 7-11 cafe and added a wireless internet connection!
Somethings however shouldn't be bargain shopped for, like sushi, we thought we'd have a sushi night so we bought ingredients for shrimp soup, some edamame, and premade sushi, not from a sushi restaurant mind you, but from our favorite new store Costco! When it comes to sushi , you get what you pay for and since our entire sushi platter was only $12, we were thankful we had plenty of shrimp soup on hand to fill us up, the fish was dry and stale and the rice was just the opposite, sticky and absorbed so much soy sauce it could have been a tampon!

So here in lies 2 things to remember, coffee with a fancy name is sometimes just that, and when your at your favorite sushi reataurant and the bill comes for $100 dollars, before you say
"we hardly ate anything", just know its worth it and some chef worked very hard to make it.

Hitting the dancefloor, and hit it we did!

Once we arrived in seattle after many trying times, (see spence-a-lick.blogspot) Spence and I needed to get our groove on...the dancefloor that is! Starting out at a club called "R place" we weren't yet feeling the groove, after two drinks I realized my groove still had not found me and would not find me in a dark hip hop club, I would go find it myself! Our next move was to split a red bull and taxi ride to "Neighbors" upon entering the club with our best strut, the music and energy of Seattle hit us just right, and we were off! We ordered 2 more vodka redbulls, "extra red bull!" I said to the bar tender " and extra vodka!" added spence. Ladies, those may as well have been liquid Crack, because I have never danced so hard in my life (more than one person asked where they could get some "good stuff" I just pointed to the bar tender who had taken such good care of us and went back to my dancing, as the night went on the dance floor got more and more busy, hence our space to dance was less and less so occasionaly some one would take an elbow or hand from one of our extreme moves, but we had no time for apologies, well karma came back at me when in the middle of a move I call The Praise Jesus, spence and I bumped when we should have bounced and between my high arches and the alcohol I could feel myself going down! Before I could think "this is not happening" I hit the floor backwards on all fours like I was playing twister, I guess without me spences center of gravity was off because he came collapsing down on top of me, and when your 6'3" thats a long fall, but in less than 1 second spence was up and I followed, I wanted to run off the dancefloor with my face in my hands but, Spence grabbed me and said "just keep dancing and no one will notice", we went back into our routine and sure enough hardly anyone noticed except the lady who's leg I hit going down, so when she asked if we were alright I just smiled and said "Honey, it's just part of the show."

Shout out to Spence

After reading a good friends blog about me and our trip to Seattle, sure to go down in history and be made into many historical points of interest that should not be missed! I was inspired to start my own, and what better day than on a lazy sunday afternoon after returning from gay days at Costco. Here goes...